While You Were Offline: How Many People Listen to the President's Calls Anyway?

There's no getting around it, it's been a big week. One that saw President Donald Trump hint at military action after an attack on a Saudi Arabian oil field, and also argue that he can't be criminally investigated over his refusal to share his tax records; a week that saw the British government go to the Supreme Court over whether it was breaking the law by closing Parliament, while simultaneously refusing to share its Brexit plans with everyone in the European Union. It was also a week where the kids showed how to protest climate change and asked parents to reconsider supporting old men, even as people stormed Area 51 because … aliens, I guess? Oh, and a gun control lobby released a heartbreaking, difficult-to-view ad to mark the back-to-school period and remind people what that can actually mean in the era of school shootings. (Really, it's a tough watch. Be warned.) Think that's all? There's more.

What Happened: A whistle-blower's complaint revealed President Trump may have had a troubling phone call with a foreign leader.

What Really Happened: It all started with some breaking news midweek.

The identity of the foreign leader, at least in the initial report, was undisclosed. Nonetheless, it didn't sound good. Perhaps the foreign leader was someone benign like Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau or … ?

Oh. Never mind, then. (Note: Trudeau was revealed this week to be somewhat problematic after all.) Later reports would identify the leader as Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky, but that was information that wouldn't come out for a day or so. Ahead of that, there were the initial shockwaves of that first report to be felt.

The initial report was very quickly backed up by independent reporting, meaning that the story only became more credible and less easily dismissed as fake news or sour grapes—but we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's get back to some of those early responses, shall we?

As the story kept building during the 24 hours following that first report—including revelations that it was "multiple acts" that worried the whistle-blower, not just one singular event, that it involved the Ukrainian president, and, potentially, an attempt to swing the 2020 election, something that Trump's personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani didn't deal with well on television that evening. So, how did Trump handle the reports?

Trump continued to rebuff the reports the next day.

Turns out, part of this story had leaked the previous week, with few people paying attention …

As the Trump administration's Department of Justice tried to block an investigation into the whistle-blower's accusations, House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff went on record to threaten legal action against the DOJ if it continued to fail to do its job.

The moral of this story: Always pay attention to what Adam Schiff is up too. No, wait, that's not right. How about, if you're the president, don't make secret promises to foreign leaders in an attempt to dig up dirt on your political enemies? That would work too.

The Takeaway: Of course, there is another way for all of this to get out in the open.

What Happened: Former Trump campaign official Corey Lewandowski was called in to speak before the House Judiciary Committee.

What Really Happened: Elsewhere in legal battles involving the Trump administration, Corey Lewandowski was called in to testify Tuesday about information included in the Mueller report. It was, well, you'll get a good idea how it went just based upon how the whole thing got started.

OK. But overall, how did the actual hearing go?

That was, however, about all he was willing to confirm, for reasons that soon became apparent.

Then, there was the moment where Lewandowski gave the game away, re: his media appearances.

Overall, the testimony was a mess of stonewalling and possible obstruction. At least the whole thing was short.

Good to know those checks and balances are working out just fine, right … ?

The Takeaway: For what it's worth, Lewandowski promoted his book and launched a Senate run website during the hearing. No, really.

What Happened: Saturday Night Live hired, then fired, a comedian over his past comments. The internet, naturally, had many opinions on the matter.

What Really Happened: Last week, Saturday Night Live announced three new cast members for its upcoming season, a list that included Shane Gillis. This immediately turned into a disaster when it quickly became clear that he regularly used racist slurs in his work. (He also used homophobic and sexist slurs, too.)

Gillis quickly offered a half-hearted apology in which he … didn't actually apologize.

Less quick to respond were NBC and Saturday Night Live itself, with official word of Gillis' fate coming five days after the story originally broke. The surprise wasn't that he was fired, but that it took SNL so long to do it.

Gillis' response was somewhat defiant.

The internet couldn't let that last comment stand.

Midweek, it emerged that Gillis' boorish comedy wasn't a bug, but a feature, for SNL, with the show reportedly hiring him to appeal to conservative viewers, which …

… yeah, that. One former, not exactly beloved, SNL cast member popped up on Twitter to support Gillis.

Other comedians also spoke out about the decision.

But what about Gillis? What will he do now? Probably what he was doing before, but with more fame and a new slew of fans who talk about things like "cancel culture" and "the PC left." He'll be fine. For proof, look to the fact that he was onstage on Wednesday, joking, "I do want everyone to know that I've been reading every one of my death threats in an Asian accent."

The Takeaway: There's an obvious next step to be made here, of course.

What Happened: The revival of Saved By The Bell looks to be far stranger than you might expect.

What Really Happened: First of all, Saved By The Bell is going to make a comeback—with some of the original cast attached.

The revival of the show is planned for Peacock, NBC's upcoming streaming service, much to the excitement of the internet. (Fewer people were thrilled by the parallel Punky Brewster reboot, go figure.) If that sounds surreal, wait until you actually find out what the show is about.

The idea of Zack Morris in charge of California left some wondering about his policies ...

As outlets wondered about how problematic Zack Morris was (we all know that he's trash, of course), and some worried that Mark-Paul Gosselaar isn't attached, some, thankfully, were asking the truly important questions that matter …

Look, as long as someone brings back Tori Scott, it'll be OK.

The Takeaway: Meanwhile, in the St. Elsewhere model of television, where every show is interconnected and takes place in the same fictional universe…

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