While You Were Offline: KFC Has a Colonel Sanders Dating Sim Now

This past week has been a bad one for a lot of people, including YouTube star PewDiePie, who announced he wouldn't give $50,000 to the Anti-Defamation League because of fan backlash. It also wasn't a great week for the Democratic Party, which held a third debate that showed how disunited the party is on a number of topics. Meanwhile, folks are making TV ads about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez burning. Also, there's a social media rumor that Rihanna is pregnant, which is good news, if true. But don't get too excited, the universe is about to be eaten by a hungry black hole. It really has been quite a wild ride these past seven days, hasn't it? Here's what else the internet has been talking about over the past week.

What Happened: Apparently, members of the Taliban were going to meet with President Trump at Camp David, but then the meeting got called off. And then the president talked about it on Twitter.

What Really Happened: It all started with a series of tweets from President Trump last weekend.

Yes, that is the President of the United States, days before the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, revealing a previously unknown plan to host the Taliban at Camp David. The Taliban, for those who don't remember, hosted al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden during and after the planning and execution of the attacks, and refused to extradite him when requested, which led to the US invading Afghanistan in 2001.

The initial response to this announcement was, understandably, shock that the Camp David meeting was actually planned to go ahead in the first place, especially at this particular moment in time.

Impressively, the president's supporters were somehow in favor of Trump's decision to cancel the meeting, seemingly ignoring the fact that he was also responsible for the planning of the meeting.

If all of this seems pretty unbelievable, there might be a good reason for that. For one thing, it's not exactly clear if there really was a Camp David meeting taking place at all.

Still, even if this was just an attempt by the president to be seen as a dealmaker—one that, in this case, may have damaged the real peace talks—maybe there's another side to this whole thing?

Or maybe not.

Wednesday marked the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, which brought with it the traditional round of presidential commemorating. Except there was a twist this year.

The Takeaway: Maybe we're looking at all of this wrong. Perhaps there was a far more practical reason to invite the Taliban to Camp David.

What Happened: President Trump lost another national security adviser last week. How he lost him, though, is a matter of some debate.

What Really Happened: With the eyes of the world on the president and his administration because of that whole Taliban thing, national security adviser John Bolton left the White House. Like, permanently. Trump announced the news on Twitter.

But here's the strange part of the story: Bolton then, very publicly, denied this interpretation of events.

For what it's worth, the facts may back up Bolton.

The dueling versions of reality in this particular story didn't stop the president from speaking at length about the issue midweek.

But who could replace Bolton, who was Trump's third national security adviser?

Well, of course. There’s always someone—or, perhaps, a group of someones—willing to grab power when it's available, even if it's just the illusion of power.

The Takeaway: If nothing else, President Trump got to make this understatement.

What Happened: A mystery illness that has led to six deaths prompted a ban on flavored e-cigarettes, which demonstrates just how quickly authorities can move to save lives if they want to.

What Really Happened: It started as something that was less a national news story and more something to keep an eye on: As of Tuesday, six people had died from e-cigarettes in a relatively short amount of time. There are hundreds of additional lung cancer cases linked to e-cigarettes as well, with medical professionals still not entirely sure what is going on; the health risk is new and undefined, officially. And the outbreak prompted unusually swift action from authorities midweek.

The e-cigarette industry wasn't impressed by the news, as would only be expected.

This would likely cripple the industry, prompting early pushback from the big players. But it wasn't just Big E-Cigarette that didn't like the idea; there was also resistance from others, and not because they were all part of some unexpected pro-e-cigarette lobby.

I mean, it is a notable contradiction. And then there's this, as well…

With e-cigarettes now revealed to be dangerous, where should those smokers head next? CNN had an unexpected—and somewhat counterintuitive—suggestion.

Well, that's not going to help anyone, is it?

The Takeaway: Look, if e-cigarette companies want to stay in business, there's one solution staring everyone in the face.

What Happened: In the United Kingdom, Parliament is officially on hold—but that might not be an entirely legal move, according to some judges.

What Really Happened: Last week's British politics news was … a whole thing. Let's try to make it as easy as possible, shall we?

Everything started with the news that Parliament was to be prorogued—that is, closed temporarily—on Monday, the earliest possible date as laid out in Prime Minister Boris Johnson's controversial request to Queen Elizabeth II from last month. Putting aside any cynical "of course they close Parliament as early as possible" thoughts, there was the strange joy of watching it all happen, especially because things didn't go as smoothly as they could have, despite the appearance of someone calling themselves Black Rod.

Oh, yes; Black Rod—which is a ceremonial title, it turns out—is a woman. Here she is.

Again; this is real.

Turns out, that wasn't the end of the night. This was:

Who knew that the UK Parliament ended its season with a musical episode? The next day, everything turned into a legal drama.

Yes, three judges in Scotland ruled that the closure of Parliament was unlawful, which is … kind of a big deal, really.

So, did British prime ,inister Boris Johnson lie to the Queen about his reasons for wanting to suspend Parliament? That is now one of the questions being asked, although it's not one he's in favor of.

The Brexit deadline of October 31 still hasn't moved, by the way, so it's not as if the country is any closer to a solution to the problem at the heart of all this.

The Takeaway: This feels fairly appropriate considering Johnson's history.

What Happened: KFC's latest move is just another in a series of unexpected promotional moves, and it's … well, it's weird. We'll just put that out there. It's really weird.

What Really Happened: It's been a couple years since the internet fell on its collective knees for Dream Daddy, but as it turns out, that was just the beginning. Are you ready for ... shall we call it, Dream Advertising Opportunity?

No, really. KFC is creating a Colonel Sanders dating simulator because 2019 means all rules are gone.

This deserved everything the internet could throw at it, and we all know it.

You don't want to embarrass yourself by asking, so I'll just tell you: The game will be available on Steam September 24. You're welcome.

The Takeaway: What is the price of selling out to our advertising overlords? That's a personal decision for each and every one of us. But, let's be honest: This tweet is probably somewhat representative of many people's feelings on the matter.

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