While You Were Offline: An End to War That Doesn't Feature the Avengers

In a week that’s featured the birth of a royal baby (Hello, Louis Arthur Charles!), the undoing of yet another appointee of President Donald Trump, and a freaking Abba reunion, it’s been hard to know what to talk about. Well, aside from Janelle Monáe coming out as pansexual (and sending the word to the top of Merriam-Webster’s searches in the process) and those pesky Avengers and their Infinity War, that is. Really; last week was a week and a half. And that’s not even getting into all of this business.

What Happened: The legal troubles of President Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen continued last week, as everyone continued to speculate about what was going to happen.

What Really Happened: It all started—or, really, continued, as this story has been ongoing for some time—with a New York Times story about the potential limits of Cohen’s loyalty to Trump, which quoted sources suggesting that, while Cohen is a loyal friend to the president, it’s never been a relationship that’s gone both ways. That, as it turned out, was something Trump wanted to push back on.

As this Twitter tirade gained attention from an incredulous media—just the number of on-the-record interviews Maggie Haberman has had with Trump shows that he’s not being honest about never talking to her—more people started to focus on the obvious question at the heart of all this anxiety: Would Cohen actually flip on Trump? There was all kinds of speculation on the topic, as well as one obvious point that some people didn’t seem to be considering on the matter. Others, however, couldn’t help but bring it up.

Midweek, Michael Cohen found an unexpected solution to the problem.

Well, OK, quasi-unexpected. The attorney’s decision to plead the Fifth Amendment raised plenty of eyebrows when it was announced, to say the least. But let’s just think through this for a second, shall we?

Sure, that’s certainly one way to get out of the whole “will he/won’t he” flip situation. The usual suspects were very happy with the decision, however, using a surprisingly similar argument in favor of the decision.

That’s certainly not suspicious in the slightest, right? Nah. This is simply a sign of shared sensible thinking, surely. Well, at least taking the Fifth means that Cohen’s legal worries are almost certainly over and it’s not as if the president is going to go on television and say something to endanger that, right? [Note: Keep scrolling.]

The Takeaway: It has to be said, taking the Fifth doesn’t really do wonders for Cohen’s reputation as a fixer who can handle anything.

What Happened: The president decided to call into Fox News. The result was far more than anyone expected.

What Really Happened: News of what was going to happen broke the day before.

Yes, President Trump was going to be calling in live to Fox and Friends. There was a lot he could discuss, and the world seemed on tenterhooks to hear just how it would go. After all, he had the home court advantage given how friendly an interview it was likely to be. Finally, he could tell his side of the story, unencumbered by hard questions or inconvenient truths! He could simply try to let his charm fly… Or, you know, not.

It was … a thing. Media coverage was akin to outright shock at how bad it was, and Twitter seemed to agree.

One man, at least, was happy that it happened.

And no wonder; one of the president’s comments in particular appears to have had immediate consequences in a subject that Michael Avenatti—the attorney for Stormy Daniels—is paying close attention to.

All signs point towards this being a disaster for the president.

The Takeaway: But, hey; the Trump isn’t just a contributor to Fox and Friends. He’s also a fan.

What Happened: Kanye West’s Twitter revival took a particularly hard-right turn last week, to many people’s surprise and/or displeasure.

What Really Happened: When Kanye West returned to Twitter earlier this month to promote his upcoming albums, it seemed as if he was limiting his tweets to bland, generic affirmations. Last week, however, he managed to make many of his fans wish that was all he was doing.

What’s that, you say? You’re unfamiliar with Candace Owens?

She was very flattered by the attention, at least.

And there was one other person who was into West's announcement.

Actually, there were two.

Indeed, InfoWars went on to post two different stories in support of Kanye’s fandom, with one literally saying that West “breaks conditioning” in declaring his love of Owens. But this was only the start of West’s very right-leaning week, as it turned out. There was also the moment when he started sharing videos of Dilbert creator, and unabashed Trump fan, Scott Adams.

Adams is, of course, talking about West in these videos. Because of course that’s why Kanye shared those videos.

Oh, and then there was the photo of Kanye—in a Make America Great Again hat—with some friends.

But, wait. There’s something about that photo…

As the media started paying attention, some started wondering if West was trapped in a familiar place.

Still, some people were genuinely excited what was happening.

It was a mutual lovefest, because of course it was.

Not everyone in Kanye’s orbit was excited about this turn of events—

—but Kanye has to Kanye, no matter what.

This headline might say it all: “Kanye West fell for the worst black Republican sales pitch there is.”

The Takeaway: Anyone else miss the old Kanye?

What Happened: Although many weren’t even aware Bill Cosby’s second sexual assault trial was taking place, the verdict last week was enough to spread the word.

What Really Happened: Something that had likely escaped people’s notice before last week was that Bill Cosby was being retried for sexual assault after a mistrial in June last year. While the first trial—and the mistrial—grabbed a lot of attention, the retrial seemed to happen under the radar … until last Thursday.

The verdict was immediately a massive story across the internet.

That whole expressionless thing didn’t last long, however.

While welcomed by many—although Cosby is now expected to appeal—the conviction made some consider the failures of the legal system.

Others, meanwhile, thought about the surprising way this all came back into the public eye.

The Takeaway: OK, so let’s get started on some of the other outstanding issues, shall we?

What Happened: The leaders of North and South Korea met to formally pledge peace between the two nations after nearly seven decades.

What Really Happened: The phrase “history in the making” is definitely an overused one, and yet—how else to describe this?

The promise to end the war and commit to denuclearize is, as one Twitter user described it, likely the “best news you’re going to hear all year.” How was the news treated by other leaders around the world? Unsurprisingly, it was welcomed.

It’s a strange feeling to end the week on a positive note, but let’s take it and not ask too many questions, cool?

The Takeaway: If nothing else, let’s let the Korean model be an inspiration.