Review: Satisfyer Love Triangle

I'm not often entranced by affordable pocket-size sex toys. “Affordable” is usually another word for mediocre. Satisfyer’s Love Triangle vibrator and suction toy—or as my partner and I lovingly call it, “the empanada”—bucks those trends. It’s surprisingly powerful, but also quiet, discreet, and so small it’ll fit in your pocket (yes, even the unconscionably tiny pockets in women’s jeans). Yet it’s just 50 bucks. 

A fantastic $50 toy sounds like nonsense on paper. Film-flam. I was skeptical from the moment it arrived, but if I’ve learned one thing about the Love Triangle, it’s this: Don’t underestimate this spicy little empanada.

Masturbating is a wonderful midday escape. It can quiet the tightening knots of work frustration and break up the repetition of yet another week at home. Consider picking up a toy and spending some time with yourself. I highly recommend it.

Like a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, the Love Triangle isn’t just a vibrator or suction toy. It’s both. It has an internal motor for creating vibrations about as strong as you might expect from a smaller vibe, like a lipstick vibrator or bullet, but it also has air pulse suction.

The air pulse suction moves an internal diaphragm up and down to create high and low pressure when its little nozzle is pressed against a part of your body. It’s similar to the sensation of a partner gently sucking on your skin, and it's often compared to oral stimulation. The tech is amazing, and hopefully it's the future of sex toys for people with clitorises. On the Love Triangle, it's basically an “orgasm instantly” button, and it feels even better with vibration.

Photograph: Satisfyer

The model we received for testing is white with gold accents. It’s waterproof, sleek, smooth, and lovable. The body is soft-touch TPU plastic, and the business end, the little suction nozzle, is body-safe silicone. It almost looks like an Apple product, and it has some of Apple's downsides too. Its three buttons aren’t self explanatory. Those squiggly little lines don’t always do what you think they do, so be sure to read the instructions. 

The Satisfyer phone app connects to the toy via Bluetooth. You can do all sorts of things after you pair it. You can create your own vibration and suction patterns to store in the app, and control the toy live by moving your fingers up and down on the screen—my favorite feature. It’s so much fun to let your partner use the toy while you control it from your phone. You should get a few hours of on-and-off use before it needs a charge.

You can also use the app to tether the vibration and suction intensity with ambient sound or music from a Spotify or Apple Music playlist on your phone. This feature doesn’t work particularly well. The music plays through the speakers on your phone but needs to be quite loud for it to really register and vibrate. Even then, it doesn't do a great job. You’re better off playing music from your phone and controlling the Love Triangle manually. 

Or you could create and save a pattern yourself, which is quite easy! The app works locally, but if you register for an online account, you can share patterns and download others designed by Satisfyer users. Using it online also opens up the ability to use remote connectivity, which could be a convenient way for couples separated by hundreds of miles to be intimate with each other. However, given recent revelations about the security of remote controlled toys, we don’t recommend using the online remote control feature.

On its own, the Love Triangle is a great little toy. It uses vibration and air pulse technology to offer a multitude of sensations, no matter what genitals you have. The soft tip is wide and cozy, and feels great snuggled against a clitoris, nipple, or frenulum. Its lowest suction intensity is very gentle—a huge plus if you’re new to this kind of toy. When you crank things up it’s almost as powerful as the Lora DiCarlo Baci suction toy. Ergonomically, the body fits in one hand, and it’s perfectly angled to reach anything you might want it to reach.

The Love Triangle's $50 price is the big trick up its weird little suck-nozzle. Sex toys are notoriously expensive, especially the good ones. Most of our favorite models are in the $150 to $200 range, and that’s not an easy amount of money to justify spending on any toy, especially if you’re new to them. That’s why the Love Triangle is so easy to recommend, and why I’ve been such an irritating evangelist for it lately. Every group chat I’m in has become an echo chamber for the songs of praise I sing for this adorable little sex empanada.