*Tim Maughan.
Let's be fair, it's actually a science fiction text with a lot of design in it
Buying Christmas gifts for you friends, family, and loved ones is always hard—and after yet another turbulent year it looked like maybe it was finally time to just cancel the holidays! But things are finally looking up, and we can’t think of a better reason to celebrate.
With the ceasefires still holding in Texas and Idaho, clean(ish) water restored to almost half of Los Angeles, and—most importantly—Amazon confirming that yes, they will be restarting deliveries to Evac-Bill registered US citizens in most major FEMA Relocation Camps, there’s never been a better time to get in the festive spirit with a little retail therapy!
Whether you’re a Tier 1 high flier with a bonus to blow or an Unranked trying to make that final Freedom Dividends payment last ‘till January, we’ve got gift ideas to match all wallets and payday loan repayment strategies!
Tier 1 Zone Day Pass
From $199/day – restrictions apply, see below
Want to see how the other half lives? Well, I guess more accurately it’s the other 0.1%, but why get hung up on numbers? Grab a Tier 1 Day Pass from Darklake Security for a family member—and maybe one for yourself—and get a chance to explore parts of the city you’re never usually allowed to see! Want to hit the shops in Manhattan’s Hudson Yards? Have brunch under the Park Slope Climate Dome in Brooklyn? Take a stroll and check out the view from Pacific Heights in SF? With a Tier 1 Pass you can walk straight in to dozens of exclusive, restricted neighborhoods in cities around the world, no questions asked!*
Rub shoulders with the brilliant, beautiful, and financially solvent—who knows who you might bump into! And with the special Connect package deal, for just an extra 30 bucks, you can enjoy a whole day of Tier 1 internet access and surf like an influencer—stable connection, fast download speeds, nazi-free social media, data anonymity, and no pop-ups. Come and get a taste for the Tier 1 life—you’ll never look at your credit score again in the same way!
*Restrictions apply: Tier 1 Day Passes are available only to Evac-Bill registered US citizens. No exceptions. Security checks and infection tests must be completed before admittance to Tier 1 neighborhoods. All visitors must consent to wearing a tracking and monitoring device for the entire duration of their visit. Removal of the device, or breaking of any other laws or restrictions, will result in immediate imprisonment under the 2027 Emergency National Cohesion Act as it applies to Private Enforcement Contractors. Darklake Security Industries reserves the right to refuse or cancel entry at any time, without explanation.
B. W. Trump - Only The Hague Can Judge Me
$29.99 from Amazon on vinyl/CD, streaming available only in Tier 1 Certified Access Zones
It’s been a tough couple of years for Lil BazE: abuse and kidnapping allegations, paternity cases, alleged connections to the Jacksonville Separatist Army, and the reports that his father was refusing to let him visit him in prison—but the triple Grammy-winning rapper is back...
