The Rich Kid’s Guide to Stocking a Million-Dollar Dorm

Just because your dorm room or apartment is small doesn't make vacuuming any less terrible. Instead, let your Roomba 980 ($900) loose to find its way into the nooks and crannies of your apartment, hoovering up crumbs and detritus along the way. For good measure, strap on a set of speakers, and boom: DJ Roomba.

There are no safe study spaces on a college campus. Not your dorm, not the cafeteria, even the library. With these ultra-portable noise-cancelling earbuds, you can create a cone of silence even among the ruckus of study groups and crazed crammers. You bring the Faulkner, the QC20s ($250) bring the piece and quiet.

Best-case scenario, take the nasty Twin XL mattress your school provides and throw it out the window. Short of that, at least cover it with Boll & Branch's comfy, fair-trade, organic sheets ($250). You'll feel like royalty, bathed in luxurious cotton. Oh, and get 'em in a nice navy or shore color, not the hospital-white your roommate's using.

Best space-saving move ever: use your TV as your computer monitor and your monitor as your TV. Best monitor ever: Dell's absurdly high-res 27-inch screen ($1,500). It'll look amazing from across the room while you Netflix and Chill, and tack-sharp as you bang your head against it during an all-night study sesh.

Is a 5.1-channel wireless surround sound setup overkill for your tiny apartment? Probably. But would you rather be pumping party jams through a crappy Bluetooth speaker no one can hear from more than eight feet away? Didn't think so. Also, a good speaker system is a long-term investment, and the Sonos setup ($1,796) is a good speaker system.

If you think a little more visually than your average Word doc allows, the iPad Pro ($850) and Apple Pencil is a perfect in-class combination . And when it's time to write, just pop on the keyboard attachment and open Word. The iPad Pro is light, the battery lasts forever, and it has all the apps you need to crush your finals—and all the games you need to stay sane.

Sitting is killing you. Maybe. Who knows, really? Luckily, with the Renew desk ($1,500), you can switch between sitting and standing with the touch of a button. Plus, the Renew is a beautifully minimalist icon of good design—something about just being near it makes you want to do beautiful and important work.

Your desk chair is your home, especially in a small apartment. The Aeron ($729) lets you lean back for a TV-watching binge, and then curl forward for a problem-solving frenzy. Its mesh back keeps you dry and cool, and its shape, perfected over the years, keeps you aligned and comfortable no matter how many times you ignore your Apple Watch's stand command.

Remember when the cool kid on your hall was the one with the PlayStation? No? Your dad does, maybe, but those days are over. Now, the fastest way to make new friends is to strap them into HTC's incredible VR experiences ($1,600) and let them explore. Of course, you'll probably have to clear out the rest of your furniture to make room, but that's a small price to pay.

There's no need to resign yourself to a life of K-cups, burned coffee, or Starbucks. Breville's Dual Boiler ($1,299) gives you café-quality espresso in a counter-sized and apartment-friendly package. Use it to make shots, steam milk for lattes, and fiddle to your heart's content with everything from temperatures to water flow. You have the tools now.

Vinyl is in the midst of a serious renaissance. Set yourself apart from the poser collectors, who buy a bunch of records at Urban Outfitters and call it a day, by outfitting yourself with one of the best turntables on the planet. Plus, the German-made Emotion SE ($2,540) comes in a gorgeous, crisp white that doubles as an awesome decorative piece.

Think of Marley Natural's cannabis accoutrements ($555) as the equivalent of buying different types of wine glass for different types of wine. You want the right tool for the right activity. And whether you're more of a bubbler smoker or in a pipe state of mind, Marley has the right tool. All are made of wood and glass, and are worthy of even the dankest kush.

A good lamp is the secret to a good desk. Design studio Box Clever's Fade Task Lamp ($250) is one of the best you'll find: You can easily change the temperature of the light from warm to cool, or dim the bulb when everyone else is trying to sleep. The lamp's arm is eminently flexible, so you can position it exactly to your liking before starting on that paper.

Let's talk about that beer you took out of the fridge an hour ago—the last beer, mind you—that's now sitting warm on your counter. Nobody deserves warm beer. Especially not you. Just throw it in the Cooper Cooler ($58) for 60 seconds, let cold water rush over it, and that thing'll be cold as the Rockies once again.

Maybe you want to garden for the catharsis of the hobby, or because you like how fresh plants look in your apartment. Maybe it's just cheaper than buying an eighth once a week. Whatever the reason, Grobo's cabinet and nutrient capsules ($899) make it easy to grow almost anything you can think of. You can even tend your garden from your phone. Finally.

Odds are, your building's not exactly well-maintained—landlords rent to college students because they don't care. Keep the breeze a'blowing with Dyson's ultra-quiet Bladeless Desk Fan ($300). Even the smallest model's enough to keep a room cool, and you can tweak its settings to exactly the speed and motion you like. Can't have you sweating through your Louboutins, can we?

Robes aren't just for haughty men who smoke cigars and sit around on leather chairs. They're the coziest after-shower cover-up you can imagine—and let's be real here, they look fantastic. Derek Rose's hand-made number ($1,275) has cuffs and a collar, too, so you can be classy and comfy at the same time. Go ahead, wear it to class. We salute you.

At some point, sadly, you'll have to leave your epic home and head out in the world. Take the Chromebook Pixel ($1,299) with you: It's one of the best-looking and most original laptops on the market. It has a great keyboard and trackpad, all-day battery life, and everything you need in Chrome OS. And soon? It'll run Android apps. MacBook, Schmacbook.

The only downside to setting up the swaggiest pad in town is that word is going to get around. Keep your stuff safe with the iSmart Alarm security system ($250), which will alert you in case of any malfeasance—and play a super-loud siren to ward off anyone who might have tried something foolish.

The best way to avoid being late for class is to have a clock you really never want to stop staring at. Thomas Mercer started making chronometers to help ship captains navigate between continents—this "table chronometer" ($=if you have to ask) can certainly keep you on schedule. We don't know how much it costs, or how to buy it, but that's OK. You've got a guy for that.