So you’re going to CES! Congratulations! You have our sincere apologies. CES is a grind. A death march. You’re gonna be exhausted, brutally hungover and quite possibly deathly ill before it’s all over. Here’s how to survive and conquer.
Do:
Bring a ton of biz cards. Think you’ve got enough? Double it.
Initiate handshakes the WHO way—it’s safer, and a great conversation starter.
Bring Chap-stick.
Bring ton of wipes. Think you’ve got enough? Double it.
Turn your badge around as soon as you walk through the door. You don’t want every PR rep in the joint saying, You work at (insert name)? I LOVE (insert name). Let me set you up with…
Stop by the giant Gibson tent and get your Jimmy Page on with a Les Paul. Loudly. Do this daily. It’s a great stress reliever.
Be very nice to everyone you meet. You may need something from them before the week is over.
Take your backpack off at Pepcom. Or at least swing it around so it hangs in front, jeez.
Hydrate! No, this isn’t about hangovers, Las Vegas is an arid desert climate. Also, hangovers.
Get in line early.
Give yourself 30 minutes more than you think you need to get anywhere. And get in line early.
Top off your laptop battery at every opportunity, no matter how short.
Eat the press room lunch. Life is too short for soggy croissandwiches, and no one should be eating Sbarro.
Bring Emergen-C to add to every cocktail.
Bring an on-the-go phone charger or charging case.
Leave room in your suitcase when you pack so you can bring back those million USBs.
Don’t:
Put on Chap-stick like a creeper in front of booth babes.
Call them booth babes.
Touch anybody’s hands.
Eat buffet food. Ever.
Forget the wipes.
Try holding more than two chairs in the press room, unless you want a beating.
Write about how CES is over and nobody cares anymore. Nobody cares what you think.
Do a video about the abundance of wearables, rideables, or iPhone cases.
Get too excited about seeing 50 Cent. He’s always there.
Forget that this show isn’t for you, it’s for Tech Execs Doing Business.
Cut in press conference lines, unless you want a beating.
Tap the glass on the Mandalay Bay shark tank.
Ask for an extra T-shirt.
Start conversations with cabdrivers by asking how busy it’s been.
Get in line for the press lunch early.
Do:
Explore Sands Expo! It’s where all the start-ups are, and there’s a ton of cool stuff there.
If you’re into high-end audio, check out the audiophile stuff in the Venetian Suites.
Ask them to play Aja. Audiophiles love Aja. No one understands why, including them.
Eat before you leave the hotel.
Walk! The shuttles are a scam, and really only worth it if you’re going to a Hotel Very Far Away.
Shower before bed. You’re carrying all of the germs in the world. You’ll sleep better, too.
Grab every USB stick you can get your hands on.
Find the biggest, brightest 8K TV you can and spend 20 minutes just staring at it.
Unless they’re playing a snowboard video.
Bring Emergen-C.
Don’t:
Ride a hoverboard.
Sign anything.
Eat at the LVCC (unless it’s the Indian place with the naan bread curry wraps).
Pick your nose.
Gamble. It’s a waste of time at CES.
Vape.
Vape on a hoverboard.
Spend all your time at the big brand-name booths. The best stuff you’ll see will be from companies you’ve never heard of.
Call them “booth babes.”
Ask someone to write about your startup.
Do:
Put something interesting on the TVs. Nobody cares about your 4K snowboarding demo.
Put on Star Wars and people will actually hang out.
Floss!
Keep a box of wipes in your hands-on demo area
Offer cushy seating like chairs, loveseats, and nice ottomans.
Make plenty of women’s sizes for your giveaway shirts—NOBODY does this so you’re guaranteeing somebody will wear it.
Keep your booth tidy, especially the bunting.
Remember that everyone loves a tiny free water bottle. Everyone.
Nix the overly bright, harsh lighting. Our eyes hurt.
Don’t:
Throw press parties with a cash bar or no bar or only one bar. Go deep on booze.
Think you’ve got enough? Double it.
Make anyone from the press take a picture with you to demo something.
Stalk the press. It makes people decide to never write about your company.
Flirt. It makes people decide to never write about your company.
Give away any USB sticks less than 2GB.
Offer a listening station where the only option is earbuds. Eeeeeew.
Tell us about your damned smart toothbrush. Especially if it’s “embedded with AI.”
Make give-away T-shirts in any color other than black.
Insist on scanning our badges.
Send follow-up emails. Reporters delete them on sight.
Call them “booth babes.”
Put a bucket of breath spray next to a bucket of mini, circular hand sanitizer.
Hold a private meeting off the strip, unless it is amazing and transportation is provided.
