Review: Volkswagen Passat

If you haven't been following the controversy surrounding the recent redesign of the 2012 Volkswagen Passat, I'll sum it up for you: In its quest to dominate worldwide automotive sales, VW decided the Euro-spec sedan wouldn't do for the U.S. market. Designers penned a new, Americanized Passat that's bigger, blander and cheaper, a Euro-parody of the demands of the typical American consumer. It's only German understatement that left out the high-fructose corn syrup dispenser, gun rack and lethal injection kit.

Even before the first cars came off the line at Volkswagen's all-new Passat plant in Chattanooga, TN, some Vee-Dubistas cried foul, alleging the new car had lost its soul. Others welcomed a German interloper that would siphon off buyers from Japanese, Korean and American midsizers. Not since OJ's white Bronco crept down the 405 has such a nondescript car captivated the attention of so many.

That's because the Passat has flown under the radar for years, a cult car preferred by grown-up hipsters and mid-to-upper-income folks with a disdain for extravagance. It's the only well-equipped European sedan you can buy that doesn't carry the baggage of a high-end brand, and for that it's gained legions of fans among no-nonsense CEOs, public school principals and senior managers at non-profits. Tampering with such a formula could make the Passat dull or, worse, give it mass appeal.

That sure seems to be Volkswagen's strategy. With base prices ranging from $20,000 for a bare-bones 5-cylinder, 5-speed base model to $32,950 for a SEL Premium with a V6 mated to a direct-shift gearbox (DSG), there's a wide range of Passats out there, including a diesel version that's the only diesel sedan in its class.

Just this week at the Los Angeles Auto show, the 2012 Passat cemented its status as Volkswagen's golden child by winning Motor Trend's Car of the Year award. The diesel version was one of the five finalists for 2012 Green Car of the Year.

It's a marketer's dream: After national ad campaigns and award placings hype the hell out of the V6 and the diesel, local dealers can rope 'em in with a newspaper ad touting a single car with a base price of $20k (plus the destination fee, of course).

I suspect the majority of cars on dealer lots will be similar to the car I drove, which mated a 5-cylinder engine to an automatic transmission. With neither the fuel economy of a diesel or the acceleration of the V6, the SEL-trim Reflex Silver specimen ($28,395) that arrived in my driveway was also the most anonymous three-box sedan I'd seen since the 2010 Kia Optima. Ask a toddler to draw the outline of a car, and this is what you'd get: nose down, symmetrical, tall greenhouse. An episode of Happy Days could offend more people.

On the road, the driving dynamics of the German-designed, American-built Passat seemed oddly Swedish. The steering was heavy enough to tone biceps, and there's better acceleration at midrange than off the line. If you're looking to replace the Volvo 850 you bought new in 1997, this is your car. Thankfully, the six-speed slushbox offered both Sport and Drive modes that made the best of the inline 5's 170 horsepower. I kept it in Sport when merging or passing, though Drive offered better shift points for around town. Over 400 miles of driving, I managed a respectable 25.6 mpg.

The suspension was clearly tuned for the passengers' benefit, with hardly a hint of lean or roll even in sharp corners. Despite that lateral stability, the tester I drove floated on uneven pavement, with bridge expansion joints turning the driver's seat into a rocking chair.

Inside, VW did a great job sewing a silk purse from a synthetic sow's ear. The dual-cowl dashboard and faux-suede inserts on the seating surfaces broke up the monotony of a staid interior, and the liberally-applied wood trim somehow seemed appropriate. Storage spaces were plentiful and the stark dash layout remained stylish without sacrificing function. Back seat passengers won't complain about the Lucerne-like legroom, but they may notice the lack of climate control vents. The massive trunk wasn't very tall, but deep enough to swallow luggage and Ikea furniture awaiting assembly.

The only interior missteps were the cheap, shiny plastic that covered the analog clock in the center of the dash and the painfully slow touchscreen display that often took several seconds to register a button push. That might not sound like a long time, but two spare seconds of "Who Can It Be Now?" will have you humming that sax riff for a week.

Unfortunately, for all the changes, I predict the new Passat will always be a niche car. In the midst of the seat-widening, shape shifting and price cutting, Volkswagen ignored something that's crucial to American consumers: perceived reliability.

Historically, Volkswagens haven't gained a reputation for being trouble-free, so giving the Passat a three-year, 36,000 mile warranty isn't a huge vote of confidence. Sure, routine maintenance is included for the warranty period, but you're on your own for the major 40,000 mile service interval.

That tradeoff might be worth it for devoted fans of the TDI Jetta, GTI and Beetle, but the Passat is aiming for a mass market. You can scoff at Consumer Reports-toting Camry and Accord buyers all you want, but taking a day off of work and spending a week's pay to get a coil pack replaced just isn't an option for most Americans, who have kids and a mortgage and need to be at work by 8:15 every morning.

While I have the utmost faith in the folks assembling Passats at the Chattanooga plant, I have no way of predicting how well these cars will age. Even if the new Passat turns out to be trouble-free, it will take years for customers to forget about that college roommate who missed a Dave Matthews concert because his three-year-old GTI wouldn't start in the rain. If Hyundai is any example, a ten-year powertrain warranty would have erased a lot of those bad memories.

Ultimately, minus Volkswagen adding an overabundance of warranty to their newest product, most car buyers will perceive the new, midrange Passat as a luxury car, a mode of transit for those with time to spare.

WIRED Near absence of body roll. Clean, straightforward dash. Creature comforts for mere mortals. High MPG. Lots of legroom.

TIRED Three year warranty. Touch-screen audio interface by Burroughs. Pitches like the Queen Mary. Steering a better workout than Pilates.

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