Physics Proves Tom Correct: To Survive a Zombie Attack, Try the Mall

What is the best strategy for surviving a zombie attack? This might seem like a frivolous question, but Halloween is just around the corner, and, as the documentary Zombieland attests, the possibility of a zombie outbreak is always with us. (It's probably his fault.)

In Jonathan Coulton's "Re: Your Brains," a zombie implores a former co-worker, Tom, to open up:

I don't want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
Spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that's okay for now but someday you'll be out of food and guns
And then you'll have to make the call

Here's the song in its entirety:

Recent physics research into the "random walk" model confirms Tom's strategy. Mike Lucibella reports (via Matt):

Though the paper itself does not specifically refer to fleeing from zombies, it describes "the survival probability of immobile targets annihilated by random walkers." The conclusions suggest that the people trapped in a mall in "Dawn of the Dead" may be better off than the folks stuck in a farmhouse in "Night of the Living Dead."

Cassi found that the likelihood of survival when threatened by predatory random walkers is closely related to how complex the prey’s hideout is. The more twists and turns, the safer you'll be. In structures that are highly complex and irregular, the chances of the predator coming into contact with its target shrinks down to almost zero.

So, take to the malls! You might also consider CommonCraft's alternate strategy, which is to head for a CostCo, where you are are unlikely to run out of supplies.

Be safe, set your iPod to play "Re: Your Brains" on repeat, and go shopping during these times of heightened zombie awareness.