What is high definition exactly?
Remember when you tossed out all your old VHS tapes because they told you that DVDs were going to finally give you the perfect cinematic experience in your own home? They lied. Oh, man, did they lie. DVDs are dirt. They are earthworm smegma. You may as well hand a toddler some permanent markers and tell her to draw Vito Corleone on the living room wall. No, if you want the true actual real cinematic experience, you're going to have to go HD. For real this time.
What are the advantages of switching to high definition?
You've heard about the greater levels of clarity and detail, and the richer colors. If you check out most bars and pubs, though, you'll discover that the main advantage of high-definition television is that it makes people on the screen fatter. The bar owners wisely set the televisions to stretch non-HD video so it fills the screen. This not only keeps the pixels on the edge of the screen from feeling lonely and neglected, but when patrons see a thicker Jennifer Aniston on reruns of Friends, they feel better about ordering another round of beer and a plate of chili nachos. And so can you!
When watching actual high-definition shows, the main advantage is that you get to see more of the hallways. How many times have you been watching Grey's Anatomy and thought, "I wonder what the sides of that hallway look like?" Well, thanks to the improved aspect ratio of HDTV, you can see exactly how spacious and open the hallways are! From the broad cornfields of Smallville to the ample starfields of Battlestar Galactica, your peripheral vision is in for a treat it won't consciously register!
Is it a good time to get into high-definition video?
Of course it is, especially if you're nostalgic for the '80s. With more than a dozen cable channels and nearly 300 movies to choose from, it's like the early '80s all over again, only this time Howie Mandel's bald!
Is HD equipment expensive?
Oh, heavens, no, not compared to other forms of entertainment. For instance, renting out an entire movie theater so you can watch Scary Movie 4 with a couple of your friends would cost nearly a third of what it costs to set up a decent high-definition home theater, and that's only for one movie! And a trip into near space may be fun, but it costs appreciably more than replacing all your home theater equipment. Have some perspective!
What are the differences between Blu-ray and HD DVD video?
The main difference that the average consumer will notice is that one of them has "Blu" in the name. This means that the market is largely divided into those who find comic misspellings charming, and those who don't. Sony is counting on the support of people who frequent restaurants with names like Kountry Kitchen and E-Z Stop-N-Eat.
Which one should I buy?
It doesn't matter, because whatever you choose is going to end up spinning down the drain like a dead goldfish. Remember when you bought a MiniDisc player instead of an iPod? Because you thought it was going to be "the new CD"? You're so doomed.
I keep hearing about 1080p. What's that?
It's a video format. The "1080" stands for 1,080 lines of video, and the "p" stands for "purchase," because if you bought high-definition equipment three years ago, you're going to have to toss it out and buy new stuff if you want 1080p. There used to be 720p and 1080i, which we thought were pretty awesome at the time, but now we realize that if you're using that you may as well hand a chimp a bucket of compost to throw at your living room wall while you play a John Williams soundtrack. No, 1080p is the way to go if you want the actual true real total immersive complete cinematic experience. Honest. We're totally sure this time.
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Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg eventually overcame these handicaps to amass an impressive collection of remote controls.
