What songs should your condoms play?

A reader sent me the link to this story about musical condoms in the Ukraine (thanks Robert!), which actually were announced more than a year ago (according to other bloggers, who linked to this story and its very cute graphic/song list in February 2005) but are still funny:

Ukraine - A Ukrainian scientist has invented a condom that plays music during sex, Korrespondent magazine reported yesterday.

Hryhory Chausovsky developed the birth-control device as a novelty and as an aid for more pleasurable love-making, he said.

A miniature loudspeaker and motion sensor implanted in thecondom's upper cuff provides a range of musical tones during sex. Musicvolume depends on intensity of love-making and tone varies based on thesexual position. [more...]

They compare the sound to early cell phone tones, not to Bose surround sound systems. And it got me thinking ... what tunes would make sense, given the limitations of the sound quality?

Charge! (for getting started; you've heard it at baseball games: doo doo doo doot do dooooo CHARGE!)

Flight of the Bumblebees (for quickies)

Canon in D (for romantic lovemaking)

Moonlight Sonata (for sad sex)

Your Cheatin' Heart (for illicit sex)

I don't know that I'd bother with a musical condom unless one showed up and we tried it out just for fun, but I do like the sense of playfulness that underlies this invention.

And while searching – unsuccessfully – for a store that carries musical condoms (vs. novelty condoms that play music but don't prevent pregnancy or STDs), I learned about custom-fitted condoms from "TheyFit" – something I need to investigate.