By Peter L. Herb
So you just heard about this amazing new club and you can't wait to stay out till 8:00 a.m. But your friend told you she saw some lowlife scum hanging out and they were packing hardware (no, not computers you ninny). What do you do? A) Give it up. B) Go check it out anyway. C) Call the authorities (which will probably result in the club closing forever). Or D) Get some protection and go out and boogie. Think a minute. A) is not likely. B) is foolish. C) is the idiot answer. That leaves D) which is not as outrageous as it once was.
Handgun-related violence is a horrific fact of life in many urban centers today. Out of this tragic state of affairs has come the truly odd sartorial accessory: personal body armor. Earthians, Inc. sells The Shell, a lightweight body vest designed to stop most handgun rounds.
It does the job without making you look like a member of a SWAT team, a narco-terrorist, or a disgruntled post-office employee.
The Shell comes in two parts. The outer garment is designed to be a hip urban fashion statement, for example, a leather vest or jacket. The inner part is the armor and zips into the outer part. Because of The Shell's light weight, it doesn't look conspicuous, which can be a boon in certain situations. ("Hmm, that guy in the leather vest looked at me funny. I do believe I'll test outthat piece my buddy gave me and see what the guy looks like doing an imitation of a sieve.") The liner can be used with a variety of interchangeable outerwear designs, allowing the wearer to remain stylish and safe (well, safer anyway). Looking at the promotional material, you have to wonder if the vest is being marketed as a protective garment or just as a cool thing to be seen with: the sales brochure shows a guy wearing The Shell unzipped. Yeah, it looks better when you wear it that way, but that leaves some pretty useful organs unprotected.
Nevertheless, if you do wear it properly, The Shell can definitely come in handy in nasty situations. The liners are available in two levels of protection and have been laboratory tested for ballistic penetration. The higher-rated armor can stop some .357 magnum rounds. Both liners help reduce the blunt-force trauma caused by the impact of a bullet. Monty Python fans should take note that The Shell was not designed to resist pointed sticks, knives, or long-gun rounds (or fresh fruit for that matter). But if you're moving in the same circles as people packing handguns, and you don't feel like cracking open your piggy bank for a Humvee or a move to Fiji, The Shell may provide a measure of protection you're looking for.
All orders are custom, and delivery takes about six weeks.
The Shell: US$800-$900. Earthians, Inc.: (800) 603 0122, +1 (212) 502 0666.
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